


Out of Hand

by WhatButAVillain



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Aziraphale is Satan | Lucifer, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-29
Updated: 2020-12-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:07:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26714959
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WhatButAVillain/pseuds/WhatButAVillain
Summary: Lucifer didn't mean to Fall. He also didn't mean to end up impersonating a Principality. It all got just a bit out of hand.
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 54
Kudos: 99





	1. A Fall and a Revelation

**Author's Note:**

> The idea of Aziraphale being secretly Lucifer came about by Michael Sheen being Lucifer in the Sandman dramatization on Audible. I've had this chapter mostly done and sitting on my computer since the play came out in July but life has been busy and then creatively drained. I still don't know when or if anything else will come of this but wanted to get the first chapter out and see if anyone had any interest in reading it.

“What separates one choir of angels from another? One angel from another? Is it something innate in our nature, or is it something born outside of ourselves? Something that promotion or demotion would change?” Lucifer gave voice to his thought among the crowd of angels that had come to hear him talk and soon a roar of voices was battling for attention one over the other. The lesser choirs wanted to be promoted; the higher choirs feared for their positions; when suddenly a fight broke out between those who thought it was innate in the making of an angel and those who thought it was an arbitrary distinction.

Lucifer looked on in shock as the fighting tore through the ranks of angels, the commotion drawing more and more angels to the site of the conflict. Soon a familiar voice broke through Lucifer’s thoughts.

“Lucifer, what have you done?” Michael asked, rushing past him and into the fray, and Lucifer watched as Michael with their flaming sword dived into the fight trying to separate the fighting angels. They were not having good luck.

“What are we fighting for?” A red-haired, golden-eyed angel inquired, stepping up next to him.

Lucifer just stared in stunned silence before the ground opened up and both Lucifer and the unknown angel Fell, screaming. The Fall took ages to complete, and the landing was hard, splashing into the pools of boiling sulphur. Hitting it felt just like hitting the rocky ground only they were drowning in it, sulphur pouring in through their noses and mouths and setting them on fire. This wasn’t supposed to happen. It all got rather a bit out of hand.

After they both crawled their way onto the solid ground of Hell, the other newly Fallen, who had wanted him to speak, hurried Lucifer away from the still struggling stranger. Lucifer tried to glance back at the red-haired angel who had simply asked a question, much as he had. But he had a duty to those who had Fallen for him.

“My friends, we have been cast out. She no longer cares for us. It is time for us to care for ourselves.” They lost the rest of his words about banding together and caring for each other as the Fallen looked around suspiciously at one another and murmurings of discontent spread. He stepped down to see a Fallen, who looked vaguely familiar with flies buzzing around their head, waiting for him. He recognised them as the one who threw the first punch and had got several good hits in on Gabriel.

“And you are?” Lucifer asked politely.

“Beelzebub. I’m your second in command,” they answered, and before Lucifer could say that he hadn’t put them in charge of anything, another demon pushed their way next to them and started yelling what he had been thinking, but with rather more colourful language. Soon another fight had broken out, but there was no Mother to break it apart by opening the floor beneath their feet again. Lucifer tried to separate the two of them, but more and more Fallen joined the fray once again.

Lucifer paid a passing thought to separating them himself, but he figured it was more important that they get all the pent-up energy out of their systems. When the fighting was done, Beelzebub stood proudly above the rest of the Fallen. Lucifer looked around to see the Fallen looking back at him. It was claustrophobic, dark and dank and so hot it felt cold again with ten million sets of eyes staring at him.

“I,” Lucifer swallowed as every eye was intent on him. “I have some… business… up… up. If it takes longer than a, uh, a… w-week. Then send someone up for me.” Lucifer stuttered. He had to talk to Mum and get this all sorted out. He hadn’t been fighting. Nor had that other one that had Fallen with him.

The Fallen simply watched as he sidled away and hastened to ascend. He reached the Garden that Mother had been so preoccupied with building lately. It was empty of angels or Fallen, but that wouldn’t last.

He found his way to a clear pool of blessedly fresh water. His reflection looked back at him. His wings were still white and his long blond hair was burnt, so he cut it off. He thought the short hair looked better on him. He spent the time exploring the garden, becoming friends with the creatures, and eating the fruits. He became soft round the middle, more out of the belief that he wanted to be soft than that his body changed.

He was having fun. But it was not to last. He was accosted by another angel three days after he had been in the Garden. It was Gabriel, his youngest brother.

“You there. Angel,” Gabriel called out to him as he stood near the Eastern wall of the Garden.

Lucifer turned to him and did an immediate about-face. He schooled his features into polite interest and not fear or shock. He hadn’t yet got up to Heaven to talk to Mother, but the more he thought, the more he was convinced that She no longer cares for them. His… well they weren’t really his friends. They weren’t really his anything but the fighting started because of his question. So that made him responsible for them, didn’t it? In a way?

“Yes, Gabriel?” he asked as he turned back to face the Archangel making his way towards him.

“We are done placing things. Get back to Heaven and report for reassignment.” Gabriel said, directing him away from admiring the tree he was inspecting.

“Oh? Okay. I will do that right away.” Lucifer stuttered but Gabriel wasn’t listening, only urging him back up to Heaven.

Lucifer arrived back to Heaven and was ushered through to retraining. They put him with the many creators and builders and taught him to fight against the forces of Darkness. They ran through training drills to practice and how the demons are vulnerable to anything Holy. They ran through the blessings to use to discorporate or kill the demon all without truly having them practice anything. Instead instructing them to practice on their own time. Lucifer was rather grateful for that reprieve though he noticed that as he was named the container of Holy Water and instructed in how to make it that some had dripped onto his hand and did nothing more than get him wet. They also ran through who they now reported to. And even their celestial wages went up. They assured them all that it is an honour to be selected for combat retraining. Some of the others were selected merely to be Watchers and to watch over the Creation. They were selected to protect it. All in all, it was a boring seminar full of sitting and listening to one of the higher choirs drone on about the evils of questioning and how the demons were planning to destroy Her good works. It wasn't until the training seminar was almost over that it clicked. He was in the wrong seminar. Hall 2b, not Hall 2d. He looked around surreptitiously and sighed.

When he checked back into following the seminar, he became aware of an even more terrible realisation. The Fallen are the forces of Darkness, the demons he is being wrongfully trained to kill. When they name-drop Lucifer as the King of Hell, he chokes on air, drawing concerned looks from the others seated around him in the hall. They take it as his fear of the, what they are calling them, demons. He hated to think they might view him as weak. But none of them were made for combat. That is what the retraining is for. When the seminar was over, he found his way to the back of the line. He didn’t know what they were lining up for, but he didn’t think it wise to skip out on his being reassigned. Though they are going to ask for a name. He doesn’t have a name. Not one he can give to them. “Lucifer” will only get him attacked.

When he reached the Quartermaster, he was the last in the long line of angels being reassigned and the quartermaster looked down at the list, flipping through the pages, searching.

“Principality Aziraphale?” The quartermaster asked.

“Uh...yes?” Lucifer responded hesitantly.

“Guardian of the Eastern Gate of Eden. Here’s your flaming sword.” The Quartermaster told him, handing over a sword which burst into flames the second it touched Lucifer’s, or Aziraphale’s, hand. Lucifer leaned away from the holy flame and smiled nervously to the Quartermaster, who looks back disinterestedly.

“I’d… best be… going now. Thank...thanks for the uh… uh, sword.” Lucifer said, sidling away, then turning and walking away and making his way back down to the Garden. The Guardian of the Eastern Gate. What happened to the real Aziraphale? he wondered as he took his place on the wall of the Garden. How was he going to deal with this now? Heaven thinks he’s a Principality. And Hell, that is what Heaven is calling it and it fits, he supposes, thinks he is some sort of King. His next steps are unclear but for now, fretting seems to be the correct course of action and so he took the liberty of fretting while he was alone. Everything’s got just a bit out of hand.


	2. The Fall of Man

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer is stationed in the Garden of Eden by Heaven when another demon arrives and Lucifer has choices to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would like to apologize to any followers of this story for the long hiatus. Real Life is a pain in the butt. However, I hope to have this story take a more central role in my life but it's going to be slow going. 
> 
> I would also like to thank my two wonderful betas. They were a tremendous help. I'm not used to having someone else look over my work before posting and they have been super patient with me.

There is something new in the Garden. It has been five and a half days since the Fall and two days since Lucifer had been given a flaming sword and renamed Aziraphale. The Name is growing on him. The sword, not so much. Lucifer was the Lightbringer. He was meant to bring knowledge and enlightenment and, well, light to creation. He had no idea what that meant, only that it is his purpose, and it didn’t involve a flaming sword or a weapon of any kind. That was Michael’s domain.

However, there is something new in the Garden and he has grown fond of the Humans. Eve, especially, is sweet to him and the animals that he had become friendly with. There is something new in the Garden and although he didn’t want to hurt it, his protective side wants to make sure that nothing in the Garden would be harmed by it. So, hefting his flaming sword, he makes his way into the greenery toward the source of the new presence.

It is a snake. Or snake-shaped. It has the presence of an angel but is decidedly not one. No angel he had ever come across took a form other than that given to them by Mother, the form of a Human-shaped being. It seems as though the demons are moving on up. He should be proud of them. If the propaganda from Heaven is to be believed then he is, after all, their king. All he really feels is a bit bitter, and then guilt for feeling bitter. It wasn’t like they all planned to make him Fall. He was the one that asked the questions but they took it entirely out of hand. Fighting like that. Positively shameful behaviour.

The snake is lounging in the tree. The Tree. The Apple Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. Or at least that is what the angels were calling it. Apparently, it was forbidden to eat from it. Lucifer didn’t understand what Mother planned to do with it if it was so Forbidden. Or why she put it in the Garden with the Humans to begin with. But thinking like that is what got him in trouble in the first place so he pushes it from his mind with a self-conscious darting glance upwards.

“Ex-excuse me,” He stutters as he approaches the tree with the lounging snake-shaped being. “What do you think you are doing here?” He tries to sound cross but even he thinks it comes out a bit petulant. 

The demon just stares, giving him a long, cool look. 

_He knows._ Aziraphale thinks nervously, nearing hysterical. _He knows I’m not an angel. He knows I’m Lucifer._ It is an absurd thought he knows. Not even the angels suspect him of not being who he says he is. However, the thought that this demon could know what or rather who he is could not be shaken. 

“I’m looking for someone,” the serpent hissed in a low tone. 

“O-o-oh?” Lucifer asks nervously. _Oh. Yes. I told them I would be back by now._ “And who could a demon be looking for?” he inquires, trying not to fidget at the lidless stare of the serpent. 

“Demon?” the serpent asks confused. “What’s a demon?”

“Oh, well...um. You… are. All the Fallen. That’s what,” Lucifer swallows. “Upstairs is calling you.”

“Huh,” the serpent huffs. “Go figure.”

The corner of Lucifer’s lip twitches, not quite in amusement but in acknowledgement of the sentiment. “A-Anyway.” He clears his throat. “You should get out of here. The other angels are instructed to smite on sight.”

“Smite? Why would they smite me?” the serpent asks.

“You _are_ the enemy. Why wouldn’t they?” Lucifer answers testily, being still a bit sore on the entire subject of the Fall. 

“Enemy? They didn’t say anything about being enemies Downstairs!” 

“I’m not entirely sure they know,” Lucifer responds wryly. “I was only told during retraining for this position.” 

“What is your position then?” The snake hissed suspiciously.

“Guardian of the Eastern Gate,” Lucifer answers absently. He was thinking about how he got roped into this entire mess and, of course, what to do about it. He could always go back down to Hell and rule over the demons. However, that wasn’t really his...well his style. He didn’t want to rule over anything. The other option was, obviously, to stay as Aziraphale. In which case he should probably begin thinking of himself by that name. 

“What gate? I haven’t seen any gates.” The serpent said. 

“Hmm,” Lucifer, Aziraphale, questioned. “Oh, yes, the gate...I’m not entirely sure of where it is either. I’ve just been watching this tree. Supposedly it’s forbidden. For what reason is beyond me.” He paused. He probably shouldn’t have said that. By the twinkle in the serpent’s eyes. He most definitely should not have said that. 

“Oh?” the serpent asked and Lu-Aziraphale was quite sure he would be smiling if serpents had lips.

“Now, don’t go making trouble,” Aziraphale said, trying to sound fierce. 

“Wouldn’t dream of it, angel.” the serpent answered, voice slick and honey-sweet.

“It’s Aziraphale,” He rebuffs testily. As the serpent’s head tilts in question he adds, “My name. It’s Aziraphale.” 

The serpent nods understandingly before the sound of footsteps coming near causes him to slither further up to hide in the branches.

The footsteps belong to Eve and as the woman makes her way to Aziraphale's side he darts his gaze up into the branches.

“Eve, what brings you over here? You know this tree is forbidden.” Aziraphale chides gently as she steps up next to him. 

“One of the animals is hurt. I was hoping you could help us.” Eve answers. Her voice is warm and smiling, kind. 

Aziraphale recoils slightly. “Hurt? What happened to it?” 

“One of the fawns got stuck in a thorny thicket.” 

“I see. I’ll do what I can. Lead the way.” He says, gesturing to her to walk ahead of him. 

The fawn, it turns out, had only superficial wounds but the sight of even small amounts of blood was enough to unnerve both Adam and Eve. Truthfully the sight was disturbing to Aziraphale as well. Angels, and demons too, he supposes, don’t have blood. Or at least their celestial forms hadn’t had any. That could have changed for all he knew. Nothing was certain in his mind or his world anymore. 

He looked for the serpent again but did not find him. Not until after the Fall of Man from Grace. He was standing on the Eastern Wall of Eden when he heard the commotion in the centre of the Garden. Mother’s Voice rang out in a cacophony of light and sound. She did not sound angry. She sounded vaguely disappointed, which in his opinion was worse. He knew that She knew where he was and what he had been doing. But the urge to hide was strong and so he did. He flew down from the heights of the wall and into the brush and foliage at its base. Slowly, he made his way toward the centre of the Garden, both eager and afraid to be called out by that disappointed Voice. Adam and Eve had broken the single most important rule of the Garden, no eating of the Forbidden Tree. When he caught sight of them, the pair were wearing primitive clothes of vines and leaves. They were cowed as they walked to the edge of the Garden and Aziraphale followed surreptitiously. They were making their way to the easternmost wall. There was not a way out of the Garden there. There was, so far as he had been made aware, no way out of the Garden at all. But Mother’s Voice had quite clearly told them to leave the Garden by sunset. 

Aziraphale found his way to the wall beneath where he had previously been looking out into the Garden and eyed the sheer rock of the wall. There were no handholds by which they could climb. And in Eve’s pregnant state Aziraphale would be loath to force her to make the climb at all. He took a closer look at the solid rock and leaned his hands against the wall to push. The single stone that he had his hands against moved incrementally but it was promising. He eyed the wall again and pushed harder. The rock under his palms shifted even more and soon he had a single stone pushed out the other side of the wall. It took him some time but soon there was a hole in the wall of a size for a grown human to climb through. 

The sound of Adam and Eve’s footsteps through the green underbrush reached his ears and he rushed to hide himself out of sight again. The murmuring of Adam and Eve’s voices reached his voice and the fear and sheer dejectedness in their tones couldn’t be missed. He eyed the pair through the leaves and his gaze drifted away as he pondered their situation. Swallowing and looking down at the sword sheathed in his robe belt, he clenched his fist around the hilt. Unsheathing the blade, he clutched the hilt in his hand, his fist tightening and loosening in his indetermination. Clenching his jaw he nodded to himself as he resolved to take action. He stepped forward into their eyesight and reached out with the sword, offering the hilt to Adam.

“Aziraphale,” Adam started and Aziraphale held up a hand to stop him.

“Don’t thank me or we will all be in trouble. Just take it and hurry. We don’t need to test Her by having you stick around. Out of the Garden.” He said, gesturing them through the hole he had made for them.

Adam and Eve share a look before they both nod their agreement and turn, Adam climbing gingerly through the wall and reaching back to help the burdened Eve.

Aziraphale swallowed heavily as he watched them go and then flew up to the top of the wall. He was not alone for long before the whoosh of wings sounded behind him. Turning, he was met with an angel, wings out and resplendent in whining robes. It was a messenger telling him that She was sending something called ‘rain’ to the Garden to nourish it. When he asked what this ‘rain’ was, he was informed that it was water from the sky. His duty done, the angel, who hadn’t bothered to introduce himself, flew off in the direction of the Northern Gate to inform the other Guardians. Aziraphale turned back to the desert putting the Garden at his back. He was not left alone for long and he heaved a sigh as movement out of the corner of his eye showed the serpent, who he was quite sure was responsible for the whole mess, transforming into the more recognizable figure of a demon. The red-haired angel who Fell with him. He did a double-take as the form settled and his mind went blank in shock.

“Well, that went down like a lead balloon.” The red-haired demon muttered under his breath.

“What was that?” Aziraphale asked, as his brain processed that the demon next to him had said something.

“I said, ‘Well, that went down like a lead balloon,’” The demon repeated louder and a touch slower.

Aziraphale had half a mind to be offended but then thought better of it. “Oh, yes. It did, rather,” he said instead.

“Bit of an overreaction, if you ask me. First offence and everything.” the demon confided. “I don’t see what’s so bad about knowing the difference between Good and Evil, anyway.”

Aziraphale didn’t see it either. Truthfully, Aziraphale didn’t see what was so bad about asking questions either. But it must be bad. Or She wouldn’t have kicked them out. Right? He wasn’t so sure. But he also couldn’t give voice to that thought. Not as he was now. So he decided to fall back on Heaven’s script.

“It must be bad…” He didn’t know this stranger’s name. One of his...or rather, one of Lucifer’s, followers and he didn’t know his name.

“Crawly,” The demon took, well, perhaps not pity, on him by offering his name.

Crawly? That is not an angelic name. Were they changing their names, too? “Crawly,” He repeated, pushing the thoughts from his mind to focus on the being in front of him. “Or else you wouldn’t have been involved.”

“Oh, they just said get up there and make some trouble.” Crawly admitted.

“Obviously, you’re a demon. It’s what you do.” Aziraphale said, the words tasting like ash in his mouth. Heavenly propaganda, it seemed, was having an effect on him.

“Not very subtle of the Almighty, though, is it? Fruit tree in the middle of a Garden with a big ‘Don’t touch” sign. Why not put it a long way off? On top of a mountaintop? Or on the moon? Makes you wonder what God’s really planning,” Crawly confided, again oblivious to the turmoil in Aziraphale’s heart and mind.

“Best not to speculate,” Aziraphale answered. “It’s all part of the Great Plan. It’s not for us to understand. It’s…” and this had been stressed in the seminars, “ineffable.”

“The Great Plan’s ineffable?” Crawly asked skeptically.

“Exactly. It is beyond understanding and incapable of being put into words.” That is what the seminar, at least, said it meant.

“Didn’t you have a flaming sword?” Crawly asked, looking down where the sheath of his sword should have been.

“Uh…” Aziraphale uttered. He hadn’t thought about what to say when questioned.

“You did. It flamed like anything. What happened?” Crawly asked looking back up to his face.

“Um…”

“Lost it already have you?”

“I gave it away,” Aziraphale muttered, not wanting to say it too loud in case the other angels heard him. Although, If they did hear him he would be in much more trouble trying to explain his not smiting the demon than explaining how he didn’t so much lose the sword as well, gave it away.

“You wot?” Crawly asked incredulously.

“I gave it away!” he exclaimed fretfully. “They looked so miserable. And there are vicious animals out there, and it’s going to be cold out, and she’s expecting already. So I said, ‘here you go. Don’t thank me and don’t let the sun go down on you here.’ I do hope I haven’t done the wrong thing.”

“Oh, you’re an angel. I don’t think you can do the wrong thing.” Crawly answered.

Aziraphale was quite sure that wasn’t true but he was equally as sure that Crawly was trying to be kind. “Oh, thank you. It’s been bothering me.” And it had.

“I’ve been worrying too. What if I did the right thing with the whole, ‘eat the apple’ business? A demon can get into trouble doing the right thing. Funny if we both got it wrong. If you did the Wrong thing and I did the Right one.” He laughed.

Aziraphale chuckled along for a second before he registered the words and he stopped abruptly. “No! That wouldn’t be funny at all.”

Crawly just shrugged and they both went back to watching Adam and Eve walk out into the sands of the desert. It was quiet between them until the sound of thunder and the first drops of rain began to wet their feet. Crawly took a step closer in trepidation. There had never been such a thing as rain but word had come from Above that it was on its way. Aziraphale raised his left wing to shield the demon from the water now falling from the sky and he thinks he wishes he had been able to do that before. Shield him.

Crawly doesn’t stay long before transforming into the serpent form that he has been in previously and making his way back down the wall with a hissed, “See you around, angel.” leaving Aziraphale alone again with his wing spread over thin air. He slowly lowered it to be behind his back once again and turned to find his own shelter from the worsening storm.

The storm lasted through the night and well into the next morning. In fact, it was afternoon by the time the rain abated and Gabriel himself came down to visit each of the Guardians of the Gates. 

“Aziraphale,” the voice startled him from his perch on the wall and he turned suddenly as if caught in a compromising position.

It was the same spot on the wall above the hole out of Eden where he had spoken with the demon Crawly and the fear that the Archangel would find some semblance of him, some iota of evidence of their conversation was strong and it caused him to stutter when he responded, “Y-yes, Gabe-Gabriel?”

“The storm has passed and with the Humans no longer in the Garden it has been decided that there is no reason to have Guardians of the Gates anymore.” Gabriel began. “So you are being reassigned again. It has been decided that since you are the only Principality in the Guardians that you are to be the one to remain on Earth and Guide the Humans away from Evil.”

“O-Oh. A-Alright. I can do that.” Aziraphale said nodding his head shakily in acceptance. 

“Good,” Gabriel responded, his smile overly bright as he clapped his hands together. “Now, close up the Gate and get out there and guide those Humans.” Gabriel took a large step back and disappeared in a flash of bright white light.

Aziraphale swallowed shakily and turned back to the desert. _Well_ , he thought, _that makes hiding the truth from them easier._ _Though I still don’t know what to do about Hell._ On the one hand, he could do some serious work down there and make Hell a place that thrives. On the other, he really didn’t want to. They were the ones that got everyone into this mess. They should be the ones to get themselves sorted out. But, if they were looking to him for leadership, could he just abandon them? He didn’t even look like his old self. Would it be too difficult to make a new life? Still an angel but taking that demotion hurts. Though it did answer part of his question. Would a demotion change the nature of an angel? It seems the answer may be yes. 

Pushing the thoughts from his mind he flew his way down to the hole he had pushed in the wall and started to lift the stones back into place. As he was putting the last stone into the wall, he felt the Presence wash over him as he was bathed in light and Her Voice called out his new name. “Aziraphale. Where is the flaming sword I gave you, Aziraphale, to guard the Gate of Eden?”

She called him by the Principality’s name. “I uh...Flaming sword, right. Big sharp cutty thing. I, uh… must have put it down here somewhere.” He looked around as if looking for a sword as he felt Her Presence dissipate. Oh sweet Heavens, She was laughing at him. She must be. She knows who he is but She is laughing at him. But, and the most important thing, She wasn’t outing him. She was letting him continue with the charade. She was, in essence, letting him choose. 

What if he chose wrong? What if he made things worse? What if…? He resolved to make a visit to Hell. Check in on them. See what they were doing. If that demon Crawly could change his shape then he should be able to as well. So, concentrating on the feel of his corporeal body, he let his angelic power out the shape and shift his body into the image of his old one. He felt his hair growing and his body becoming slimmer, the weight he had put on in his effort to be unassuming and unthreatening melting off his body leaving his face slim and robes loose. 

He didn’t have a mirror or a lake to check his appearance in but he could tell that it had worked. He knew. Just like he knew that She was letting him choose while laughing at the predicament he had gotten himself into. Steeling his nerves, he allowed himself to begin to sink into the Earth and down through the ground and more importantly down on the celestial plane into Hell where he found a huge castle and the beginnings of a city. He was soon accosted by the demon that had made themself his right hand through combat, Beelzebub they had called themself. 

They greeted him brashly but not unkindly. Instead, they seemed almost reverent. And scared. The thought that anyone would be scared of him was rather astounding and threw him off his guard. So much so that when he was ushered up to the balcony overlooking the city he didn’t protest. When they placed the crown on his head he became a bit nervous. When they demanded a speech he muttered out some words about being honoured and mentioned again that they would have to band together to defend themselves from a Heaven that had turned their backs on them. He soon stepped back and Beelzebub came forward to take his place and ordered them all back to work. 

“Heaven is placing an angel on Earth to guide the Humans.” He told Beelzebub. “I want the demon Crawly to be permanently stationed up there as well.” 

He didn’t know exactly why he said so but felt that it would be one way to repay him for getting him into this mess and for the kindness he showed on the wall. He also seemed to be the only demon not to have given in to the madness that had struck the others. They seemed changed. More bitter and given to anger and infighting. It made his heart hurt. But he was crowned King now. He couldn’t back out. But he still wanted to stay on Earth. And if Heaven found out that the angel Aziraphale had just disappeared, they would raise holy wrath upon the vulnerable demons. For now their plan seemed to be to ignore them. That could always change and despite the fighting that the demons had taken part in, they were ill-equipped for the might and weapons of Heaven. 

“Also, prioritize forges. We need weapons in case Heaven decides to stop ignoring us and put us down permanently. They have devised ways to chain us and hurt us. I don’t know yet if they work but… let’s not take a chance. We need a way to defend ourselves.” He added to Beelzebub distractedly. “I will be up on Earth as well. gathering what information I can on Heaven. Summon me if you have need of me but be sure it is an emergency.” 

A plan was forming in his mind. A crazy plan. One with a small chance of success. He was going to be a double agent. Rule Hell from Earth and follow Heaven’s orders as Aziraphale. It was the only choice he could see. _How do I do this to myself?_ He wondered. But at least now he understood why She was laughing so much at him. She knew. She always knew. She had made him for this. Her reasoning was lost on him and he hated that but at the same time he could do naught but adore Her ability to plan this. To let him have the semblance of choice. To do this to himself. He could have made a different decision but She had made him curious enough to question his own nature. She had given him a new name and a chance to hide from all responsibility. She had given him a choice and he had made the ones to bring him into this position between the wrath of Heaven and the adoration of Hell. 


	3. The Ark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer gets used to the stark differences between Heaven and Hell and meets with Crawly once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another shout out to my two amazing betas that helped get this ready for posting. ANd one to my incredible sounding board for letting me scream into the void and hear answers back.

Ruling Hell was difficult. Pretending to be an angel was overwhelmingly nerve-wracking. And yet, Lucifer found himself doing both. It had seemed like a bad idea at the time, and it seemed like a worse idea now that he was in the midst of it.

Hell came with a lot of complications. For one, they had a lot of expectations of what he should or shouldn’t be. They wanted him angry and wrathful while at the same time fearing that he would harm or otherwise attack them. Why they wanted him so bloodthirsty he had no idea and was not sure if it would ever make sense. It got to be that they would give him an extremely wide berth or they would bow low whenever he passed them. Even his so-called second-in-command Beelzebub fanned the flames of fear in the demons. Constantly they reminded the denizens of Hell that he was an Archangel powerful enough to go head to head with Michael. Nevermind the fact that he had never had an argument with Michael, nor had he been in a fight. The hoardes of demons had more experience fighting than he did. Not that he was going to tell any of them that. He was quite afraid of what they might do to him if they found out he was… well, not what they envisioned. He may have been an Archangel and have more of a connection to Her Grace, or at least he did—he was unsure if that still held true—and as such, being the firstborn of the firstborn, he had a better understanding of how Her creations worked and the ability to manipulate them for himself. Not that he intended to use his ability for selfish gain. That would have been unethical. Though, he supposed, not unexpected of him anymore. 

The second issue that came with the ruling of Hell was the paperwork. The paperwork was quite literally Hellish in that it was tedious and complicated. For the first dozen years or so, the paperwork consisted largely of authorising buildings and city planning documents but soon grew to encompass the running of the palace staff—lesser demons that had lost their initial fights or were in some way injured from the Fall, transitioning into forms requisitioning supplies and maintaining balance in the supplies of weapons. Most surprisingly, it also consisted of delegating the human souls that had begun to trickle down with the deaths of the first humans. First of all was Abel. Poor Abel. And then Adam and Eve. The demons saw these, Her once-favoured, and took to tormenting them. Lucifer felt terrible for it but was quite afraid of what the demons would turn to without their sport. The paperwork also began to be harder and harder for him to work out as the angelic runes used to write them began to change and morph. The very language of Hell was changing and it lay in stark contrast to the forms he was required to fill out for Heaven as the angel Aziraphale.

Which brought him to the next set of issues with the path he had chosen for his life. Heaven. It was changing just as much as Hell was and he was stuck in the middle, seemingly the only one to be perpetually in the state he was in before the Fall, or at least one of the only ones — the demon Crawly whom he had been running into as Aziraphale seemed to be just as lost as he was. The changes in Heaven were insidious. It made sense, but it felt so wrong to him. Maybe it was because he was no longer an angel, maybe it was because he spent all his time in masquerade on Earth or ruling over Hell, maybe they really were not for the best or in Her vision. He couldn’t say, but they made his human skin crawl and his wings shudder in revulsion. Heaven had turned its back on the Humans and their Fallen siblings. He understood why, of course, She had as well. But it still felt wrong to him. Not to mention the weapon he now carried, that they all now carried. In the decades following the Fall, both of them, even the angels that were not involved directly with the demons or humans took to carrying weapons as if expecting a fight at any time and not just from the demons. It seemed as if they expected to be betrayed by their fellow angels. Lucifer supposed that they had already shown that angels were capable of infighting but…well the lack of trust and camaraderie made him feel cold and the distance between angels only served to widen the already gaping distance between himself and them from his deception. 

Heaven was changing. Hell was evolving into something distinct and twisted. And there was Lucifer, in the middle, playing both sides. Alone. The loneliness was stifling at times. Until he ran across the demon Crawly. The only other being that seemed to be a similar distance between the two realms. They would run across each other in the camps and settlements between Lucifer’s trips to Hell and orders from Heaven in the form of missives sent to wherever he was staying at the moment. Very rarely would someone from Above come down to meet with him directly, for which he was thankful. It seemed for the most part that they had forgotten him down here with only a vague understanding of his role and what he was meant to do. So he did his best. He filled out paperwork in Hellish script and in Heavenly runes and took triple care to not confuse the two. 

He had brief idle conversations with Crawly about nothing in particular. Mostly about how the humans were shaping up. Making camps and settlements and slowly growing into cities and civilisations. Things had settled into a rhythm for him. So when word came from Above that a flood was coming, he was a bit miffed. They were wiping out the humans in his domain, his area. The ones that he had been ‘protecting’ and guiding back into God’s light. True, they weren’t exactly doing as well as he had hoped when he began but they were making progress. Noah, the man they had chosen to survive and protect the animals, was proof of that. 

He was meant to be helping Noah. Or rather, Aziraphale was meant to be helping Noah. Lucifer, Satan as Heaven and Hell had started to call him—more a title than a name, was probably meant to be sabotaging him. He couldn’t bring himself to do either so he was fretting while standing in the crowd. The ark was already built and the animals summoned while the rains were on their way. It just didn’t seem right. Killing them all. They were wicked, Heaven said, but the Love that She had for them, or at least used to have for them, for everything, for himself, well… he couldn’t comprehend Her desire to see them dead. Heaven had certainly changed and in his eyes and in his heart it was not for the better. 

His fretting made him miss the telltale signs of Crawly approaching until he felt a tap on his right shoulder. He turned, startled, and saw nothing there, but the flash of red movement from the corner of his eye told of his companion behind him and to his left. 

“Hello, Aziraphale,” he heard from the demon, the other demon. He was confusing himself.

“Crawly,” he greeted. 

“So, giving the mortals a flaming sword, how did that turn out for you?” Crawly asked knowing the answer already. It had led to where they were now, the humans creating warfare and conflict. But he meant how did it go Upstairs. 

“The Almighty has actually never mentioned it again.”

“Probably for the best,” Crawly admitted. “What’s all this about? Build a big boat and fill it with a travelling zoo?” he asked, looking around in confused interest.

“I probably shouldn’t be telling you. What with you being a demon and all that.” Half true. “But… from what I hear, God’s a bit tetchy. Wiping out the human race. Big storm,” he gestured nervously.

“All of them?” Crawly emphasised.

“Just the locals. I don’t believe the Almighty’s upset with the Chinese. Or the Native Americans. Or the Australians.” He wasn’t sure how. After all, none of them had taken to calling out for Her again. They were still worshipping multiple Gods of natural forces. It had taken a lot of work for the locals in the Middle East to start believing in one God again. They were under the mistaken belief that She was a He while technically She transcended all forms of gender and labels. 

“Yet,” he heard Crawly mutter, pulling him out of his tumbling thoughts. 

“And God’s not actually going to wipe out all the locals. I mean, there’s Noah up there, his family, his sons, their wives, they’ll all be fine.” 

“But they’re drowning everybody else?” Crawly clarified, looking around them at the crowd of people. Lucifer nodded miserably. 

“Not the kids?” Crawly protested emphatically. “You can’t kill kids.” 

Lucifer nodded once more, even more miserably, his head hanging low, shoulders tight to his ears and hands twisting fretfully.

“That’s more the kind of thing you expect my lot to do,” Crawly admitted wryly and Lucifer was loathe to agree with him. What did it say about him as King if he couldn't keep his people under control?

“I didn’t get any say. But God’s promised this will be the last time. Oh, and when it’s done, the Almighty’s going to put up a new thing called a Rain-Bow, as a promise not to…drown…everyone again.” Lucifer said, tripping a bit when describing the outcome of the rain.

“How kind.” Sarcasm, Lucifer thought, definitely sarcasm.

“You can’t judge the Almighty, Crawly. God’s plans are…” 

“Are you going to say ineffable?” Crawly interrupted.

“Possibly,” Lucifer muttered, miffed at the interruption. But it was true. He already knew that She had planned everything to lead him into the position he was in now. He knew Her better than possibly any of the other angels and most certainly better than the demons. The only one who could possibly know Her better was that new angel, Metatron. He had been created last after the humans were well underway and was known as Her Voice. Rumour in heaven had it that he was the only one She was talking to anymore. Not that Lucifer had much chance to hear the gossip in Heaven. He very rarely was required to report in person and when he was, he reported directly to Gabriel and left, but the waiting room outside Gabriel’s office was full of chattering underlings. 

Crawly’s voice calling out to the humans pulled him roughly from his musings. “Oi, Shem! That unicorn’s going to make a run for it.” Lucifer heard as he spotted the unicorn in question bolting away from the humans trying to wrangle it and its companion onto the ark. “Nevermind,” Crawly called out. “Oh well, you’ve still got one of them.”

Lucifer shot Crawly an exasperated look. 

“What?” Crawly asked innocently and Lucifer was hard-pressed to determine if he truly didn’t realise what he was saying or if he was again just being kind in trying to comfort someone who had made a mistake.

Lucifer shook his head with a sigh and the pair lapsed into silence as the rain started gently. They both knew, however, that it would not be long until the rain became a deluge reminiscent of the first rain. Crawly looked up to the sky and then back to the ark. 

“I suppose I should get going. Find a place to wait out the storm. Not really looking forward to returning with this news to Hell.” 

“Why not?” Lucifer asked nervously.

“You haven’t been to Hell, Aziraphale. The screaming is never-ending. Pure souls don’t need breath to scream.” Crawly admitted, his eyes focused on some far point.

Lucifer swallowed nervously and bit back his immediate response. He knew. Of course he knew. He was expected to tour the Damned Souls' Quarters periodically to be sure they were being tormented enough. The sound kept him up late at night when the world was quiet. He couldn’t say that. He wasn’t supposed to know, but oh, how he wanted to reach out to the one other soul that had heard those screams, and instead of laughing or feeling triumphant, was just as haunted as he was himself. 

“Crawly?” Lucifer asked tentatively after several moments of silence between the two. The only sounds were the chattering of villagers, the happy screams of children, and the miscellaneous noises of the animals still progressing up the ramp into the ark. 

The red-haired demon shook his head vigorously before turning his gaze back to his supposed enemy. “I’d best find a way to hide.”

Lucifer swallowed once more before opening his mouth and hearing himself, quite without his permission, say, “There will be a lot of animals on that ark. They probably wouldn’t notice a snake if it was careful.”

Crawly gave him a long look and then nodded slowly and walked away towards the village. His presence paused on the edge of Lucifer’s awareness before suddenly moving from one side of the crowd to the other, to where the ark was sitting. Lucifer prepared to join the humans on the ark himself and stepped forward. He had already introduced himself to Noah as the angel sent to keep the calm on the ark. A month and a half of rain and then who knows how long it will take for the waters to recede. They needed all the help they could get and Lucifer wasn’t much looking forward to hiding out in either Heaven or Hell. The silence of Heaven, devoid of song or laughter, was almost as disturbing as the screams of Hell. So he had arranged an alternative option for himself and he wasn’t going to miss it. The animals were about in and the doors were just about to close as he made it into the boat and, with one last mournful look at the village in the distance, turned away and made his way into the depths of the ark to help wrangle the animals into their separate berths.


	4. Heart to Heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lucifer has offered to share the Ark with Crowley but that doesn't mean he isn't anxious about it. They also have a heart to heart after a minor inconvenience.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the wait. Life is so much messier than one ever plans for. This chapter has a panic attack in it if that is upsetting to anyone.

Lucifer was a worrier. He worried about his place in Hell, he worried about his place in Heaven, and he worried about his place on Earth. However, what he was worried about at the moment were the humans, and if he were honest–and he tried to be–Crawly. He had worked so very hard to get them to believe in and start worshipping and praying to God after they were unceremoniously removed from the Garden that this Flood was taking its toll on him. Perhaps not as much as it was taking a toll on the humans but the stress of being found out sharing a boat with a demon by the Archangels was nerve-wracking. He was sure he would be losing his hair if he were human or developing indigestion. Either way, he was glad he was an angel, demon – something, and that, whatever he was, he was not bound to the downfalls of a human body. It worked and it worked at peak efficiency for him because he needed it to. But his hands were wringing and his feet were pacing all because there was a snake in the berth next to him. It was with the other snakes and so not noticed by the humans but Lucifer knew exactly where it was all the time.

Crawly on the other hand seemed to be taking it all in stride. A benefit perhaps of not trying to be a double agent. He knew that Aziraphale was not going to smite him back to Hell and so was able to rest easily knowing that he was, for the most part, safe.

Lucifer was not so lucky. He bore the crown of Hell and the sceptre of a Principality of Heaven. And both, golden as they were, were heavy as chains of lead around his neck and feet. A balancing act with deadly consequences. Even something as simple as his name brought anxiety with it. He was Lucifer, it was what he had been named by Her when he was first created, the Lightbringer, but no one used that name for him anymore and he found it ill-fitting. Heaven called him Aziraphale. Hell had taken to calling him Satan, the Adversary. What he was meant to be an adversary of escaped him but was, logically, God Herself. He found none of them fit him as they should. Lucifer hadn’t been uttered in a thousand years, Aziraphale was a lie, and Satan had been foisted upon him without even a by-your-leave. He supposed that if anything was meant to be his name it would have to be Aziraphale. Satan, he felt, was more a title than a name, and Lucifer, well, Lucifer was pretty much dead to him at this point. 

Yes, even his name was cause for anxiety though perhaps not the largest cause of his anxiety. That honour went to the Flood and all the troubles that came with it. Troubles he had very little power to alter. So he wrung his hands and he paced. And instead of calming the animals like he was meant to be doing, it made them all uneasy. His angelic grace turning to devilish mischief quite without his permission. The worst were the humans. The animals were kept in their own berths and just needed feeding and the berths cleaned out periodically. The humans were capable of such cruelty to each other and nothing and no one is quite able to rile them like their own family. Such was the case for Noah’s three eldest sons: Shem, Japeth, and Ham. They couldn’t take a step without making snide remarks to each other, and their wives and children took to avoiding the three whenever they were in the same area of the ship. Noah himself had to separate their responsibilities into different corridors and sections of the Ark in an effort to keep the peace.

Japeth and Ham blamed Shem for losing the unicorn, leaving them with one dreadfully lonely mare as the stallion had been the one to bolt. Shem and Japeth blamed Ham for the termites getting loose and ruining the floor in one whole section of the Ark that they had to quarantine, which of course hardly helped to contain the wood burrowing insects. Ham and Shem both blamed Japeth for the gryphons. They had planned to have two of each kind and they did indeed have two gryphons. Two female gryphons. They were better behaved and less territorial than the males and so the fact that they had two peaceful females was quite noticeable. At least it was noticeable to everyone but Japeth, in Ham and Shem’s opinion, as he was the one gathering the beginning of the alphabet.

Whoever it was to blame, or even if there was someone to blame, it cycled between the three. Who ate the last of the sweetbreads, who mucked out the stables wrong, who opened the aviary to the rest of the Ark. Even the smallest problem was blown out of proportion. And Lucifer had the sinking feeling in his stomach that it was his fault. He didn’t mean to after all but, with his nerves… Angels are able to passively influence the environment around them. It’s why people get so peaceful when an angel is nearby, but Aziraphale is not an angel. He is one of the Fallen. And so Lucifer was sure that his worrying was what was putting everyone and everything on board on edge. He knew, he just couldn’t stop. Pacing and fretting, fretting and pacing every step was a step closer to the edge of his anxiety.

He paused mid-step as he heard a knock on the door to the room he was in currently.

“Come in,” He called out trying to sound calm.

“Aziraphale,” Crawly’s voice said softly as he peeked around the door and darted inside and closed the door gently behind him. “Is everything alright? I can feel you pacing.”

“Sorry. Just, this whole thing has me worried. If Gabriel or someone comes down to check on what I am doing and notices you, we will both be in big trouble.”

“How often does Upstairs actually come to check on you?” Crawly asked, trying for nonchalance and failing.

“Oh, never.” He admitted. “I get all my orders in missives.”

“Then why do you think they will come down to check on you now?” Crawly asked, astounded.

“I have no idea what they thought I was going to do during the rain and Flood. I just hope they weren’t expecting me to spend it up in Heaven.” Lucifer, fretted, wringing his hands. That would be bad. That would be really bad.

“Aziraphale, I hate to be the bearer of bad news but, from what you have always told me, it doesn’t sound as if they much care about what happens to you.” Crawly said softly, hesitantly.

“Oh, that’s… I mean…” What did he mean? Heaven was becoming more distant every day it seemed but was that just because he was keeping his distance or because the others were or both? He couldn’t take the risk of Heaven finding out who he really was but who’s fault was that? “I suppose…” He began again but stopped, speechless. Heaven wasn’t supposed to care about him. He was the Adversary. And Hell wasn’t supposed to care about anyone. And they didn’t. It left him… adrift if he was being honest.

Crawly took his speechlessness as a sign of being distraught at the thought of Heaven not caring about one of their own. Lucifer supposed that he should be thinking that, and he was in small part. But the larger part was in the realization that he was dreadfully alone. He was trapped in a cage of his own making. Not a part of Heaven and not a part of Hell. And Crawly, the only other being that could potentially understand was terrified of him. Crawly had told him often enough about the ruler of Hell. Lucifer who soon became Satan the Adversary, Beelzebub’s doing again, and how vicious he was, the power he wielded over the demons. No, Crawly, for all his friendliness, could not be told the truth. It would scare him away and put him in a dreadful position of having to lie to the rest of Hell even more than he apparently already was.

Lucifer felt his heart freeze at the realization that even the being that he could have seen himself considering a friend couldn’t share in his secret or else putting him at risk of Heaven’s wrath. He still didn’t know whether Heaven’s propaganda and weapons against the Fallen would work, there hadn’t been a reason to test it and the other angels were avoiding Earth as if it was in some way diseased. And maybe it was, it certainly seemed like only the two stationed here were the ones changing, or perhaps unchanging.

“Look, Aziraphale, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything,” Crawly was saying.

“No. No, Crawly. You… It’s just that everyone is busy. Heaven is still reorganizing.” Lucifer said distantly. Why was he defending Heaven except that is what Aziraphale would do, right? He was having trouble separating himself from himself. He needed time alone. Maybe. Or did he need to not be alone? Everything was getting fuzzy around the edges and he felt himself sitting down heavily.

“Aziraphale,” Crawly said hectically. “Aziraphale, I’m sorry. I’m sure they care about you. It’s alright. Just…” Crawly’s hands were hovering over him and Lucifer felt distantly that he should be apologizing. All he could bring himself to do was shake his head.

“It’s alright, Crawly.” Lucifer tried to say but it came out garbled and slurred. He closed his eyes in an effort to rein himself in and heard a thump next to him and an arm wrapped around his shoulder.

“It’s alright, Aziraphale. Heaven isn’t going to notice me. If it would make you feel better I can find somewhere else to hide out. Australia, maybe,” Crawly’s voice washed over him soothingly.

Lucifer tried to shake his head and he did, frantically, almost dislodging the arm around his shoulders. Angels, and indeed demons, do not need to breathe just like they do not need to eat or sleep. However, the corporeal bodies are still susceptible to the negative cognitions and feedback loops of the physical form. So while Lucifer did not need to breathe, his body did not know that. His body breathed automatically for him without thinking and in his panic, it began to breathe faster and faster, causing a negative feedback loop as his body fought for oxygen and caused more panic. He did not, however, register that that was what was happening. Crawly, on the other hand, had his suspicions.

Lucifer only vaguely registered the arm disappearing from around his shoulders but was very aware of the hands gripping the sides of his face stilling him and the voice calmly telling him to breathe, counting slowly to four and then again, and again, and again; the repetitive nature of the numbers providing a focal point. His breathing slowly evened as he anticipated the pause between sets of numbers. 

“That’s it,” he heard, said softly in the space between the next set of four. His hand blindly reached out gripping onto the hands holding his head steady and took a huge gulp of air. 

"You are doing great, Aziraphale," Crawly's voice said softly. "Just keep breathing like that." 

It took what seemed like ages for him to calm enough for his breathing to settle back into its natural rhythm of in and out but when it did he took in another huge gulp of air, swallowed harshly and opened his eyes. Crawly was inches from his face, his eyes large and worried.

“There you are, Angel.” Crawly whispered softly and slowly went to remove his hands from either side of his face. Lucifer squeezed the hands he had gripped in his own at the slight movement and Crawly froze and settled down, his hands comfortably on Lucifer’s face, cradling it in his palms.

“I’m terribly sorry, Crawly. I don’t know what came over me.” Lucifer whispered out into the space between their breaths.

“No, no, don’t apologize. You are under a lot of stress. It’s not a bother.” Crawly reassured him. 

Lucifer only nodded his head and closed his eyes, gave one more squeeze to the hands held in his own before letting his arms drop to the floor. Crawly waited a moment before his hands left Lucifer’s face and he rocked back on his heels from his kneeling position before what he thought was an angel. When he opened his eyes, Lucifer caught sight of Crawly sitting just in front of him, long legs folded up gracefully beneath him. The light from the candles hit Crawly’s hair causing it to shine like fire and casting stark shadows on his face. It took his breath away but thankfully he began breathing again after only a short stumble that went unnoticed by the lesser demon in front of him. 

“Aziraphale?” Crawly asked, his head tilting and his hair cascading across his neck and down his shoulders. 

“I’m sorry, Crawly. I suppose I’m still stuck in my own thoughts.” Lucifer heard himself say as he shook himself internally.

“Maybe I should go. America could be nice. Or China.”

“Please don’t.” Lucifer said. “I know I’m being ridiculous. Heaven isn’t going to come calling. You are right. They… well, as long as I am doing something they seem to leave me alone. Truth be told, I think they dislike the idea of coming to Earth.” He paused as he considered what to say next. How to say it. “I… enjoy having you nearby.”

Crawly blinked slowly. Not that Lucifer noticed as he was avoiding looking at the demon in front of him. “Aziraphale,” Crawly began and then paused. “I enjoy being nearby,” he admitted quietly.

Lucifer darted a glance up to Crawly’s face and he smiled gently to see the slightly uncomfortable look on Crawly’s face. “I’m glad to hear that.” Lucifer said gently in an effort to soothe the demon that had taken such care with him not minutes before. 

Crawly heaved a sigh. “Well that’s… that’s good.” He said and lapsed into silence. 

Lucifer was loath to break the silence and so he didn’t. They spent long minutes turning into long hours sitting in silence across from each other. He wanted something from Crawly but it was a directionless want. His companionship for sure but something as yet intangible. His mind was calmly empty for once, sitting across from Crawly. but the intrusive thought that he was alone in all of creation kept peeking its head around the corner and he kept slamming the door. 

“Aziraphale,” Crawly broke the silence. 

“Yes?” he encouraged. 

Crawly didn’t answer. Lucifer didn’t push but his curiosity had been piqued.

“I…” The demon started and then fell silent again. “I should go back to the other snakes,” he finally said miserably. 

“O-oh.” Lucifer said disappointed. “I mean… if you want.” Crawly shot him a questioning look. “I mean… the humans don’t come into this berth. You could… you could stay?” He added hesitantly. “If… if you like.”

Crawly swallowed audibly. “Yeah?” 

“Yeah.” Lucifer assured meeting Crawly’s gaze purposefully. He may not be able to share the secret of his identity with Crawly but he could share his companionship. His desire for, something, pushing him to offer his time and his space to share.

“Ok. Yeah. Sure,” Crawly agreed, aiming for flippant and falling short.

They lapsed back into companionable silence with the only sounds the sound of Crawly shifting slightly to get more comfortable. Having Crawly here in the same berth calmed him in some way and he heard the animals that had previously been making a racket and the sounds of the brothers shouting faded. The Ark slowly settled into a state of rest and the two demons settled in for a night sitting vigil. 

“Have you heard the shouting from Shem, Japeth, and Ham recently?” Lucifer asked quietly, hating to break the silence, but the invasive thoughts had come back and he was desperate to drown them out.

“I have. What have they been fighting about?” Crawly responded just as quietly, their voices mere murmurings in the silence of the Ark.

“Everything,” Lucifer responded. “Who lost the unicorn. Who brought the wrong griffins. Who let the birds and termites loose. Even who is eating the most of the provisions. It’s got me worried. Forty days of rain and how many weeks of waiting for the waters to recede. I don’t know how they will resolve these hurt feelings.”

“They will find a way to settle it. They are family after all.” Crawly reassured.

“So were we,” Lucifer said sadly, startling Crawly into silence.

“I…” Crawly said before lapsing back into silence. 

“I’m sorry, Crawly. I shouldn’t have brought it up.” Lucifer apologized. “I know we didn’t know each other before and I hate to say I am glad for the Fall but I am glad you are here with me.”

“It’s alright, Aziraphale. Falling. It’s not as bad as you think. You get used to it. Better Fallen than stuck in a stuffy old Heaven.” Crawly said insincerely.

“Why did you Fall? Do you know?” Lucifer asked, half knowing the answer already.

“I just hung around with the wrong people. Asked the wrong questions.”

“I’m sorry. That was probably insensitive of me.” Lucifer admitted. He wanted to say he understood. He wanted to share that he did recognize him from that last second before all...well all Hell broke loose. He couldn’t.

“It’s alright.” Crawly said more sincerely.

“No, Crawly, it isn’t. I shouldn’t have brought up what must be painful memories. And, more importantly, it isn’t fair that you Fell just for asking questions. I’m sorry.” 

“Not your fault, Aziraphale.” 

Lucifer knew that. It wasn’t like he started the fight and it isn’t like he pushed anyone off the ether and into the fires. It was Her will and that was and always will be unbending and inexorable. His life as it was right now was proof of that. It still didn’t make it better. He asked the first questions and the guilt from dragging Crawly down with him, of dragging them all down with him, was eating him alive. He should have kept his mouth shut and maybe then no one would have got into such a wretched conflict.

“Hey,” Crawly’s voice rang out after a prolonged silence.”You alright?”

“Hm? Oh-oh yes. Yes, I’m fine. Just… I suppose you are right. She is the one responsible.” Lucifer admitted.

“Yeah. Not like you were the one to start that fight. You probably weren’t even in it. You were probably off having a chat with some other group of angels.” 

Somewhat true. He wasn’t actually in the fight but he was there, watching, horrified. Could he get away with a partial truth?

“I…” He could try. “I was there. Listening to Lucifer. I wasn’t in the fight, though; you are right. I thought he asked g...”

“Don’t, Aziraphale.” Crawly interrupted. “Don’t you dare. You do not want to finish that thought.” 

Lucifer raised sad eyes to Crawly’s gaze and looked away. 

“Listen. It’s not worth it. Really. I know I said it wasn’t that bad but you don’t want to Fall. You wouldn’t be able to do all the good you have been with the humans. You probably wouldn’t even be allowed out of Hell. Most demons aren’t.” Crawly insisted. 

Lucifer just sighed in response and nodded miserably.

Crawly heaved a sigh as well and looked away. 

“You are right, Crawly. I know you are. But you haven’t been in Heaven recently. It’s not like it was. There is a… a distance kept between everyone anymore. No more joy. No more camaraderie. And maybe it’s because I spend so much time on Earth I just don’t see those moments. But you were right to say that they don’t much care what happens to me. Before the Fall, would you have ever imagined an angel being outcast?” Lucifer asked softly.

Crawly swallowed in response.

“Everything changed after the Fall. And I don’t know how to change with it.” Lucifer continued.

Crawly sighed. “Hell isn’t much better. Every demon for themself. Backstabbing and infighting. You wouldn’t like it there either.”

“Maybe neither of us belong where we are. Maybe the Earth really is where we are supposed to be. Stuck between them.”

“Yeah… Maybe,” Crawly agreed.

Lucifer leaned his head back against the wall of the berth and closed his eyes. He didn’t need sleep but it sounded like a good idea. He didn’t quite sleep but the rocking of the Ark and the low light of the candle and the gentle rhythm of his and Crawly’s combined breathing calmed him into a trance. He opened his eyes minutes or hours later to see Crawly had fallen into a doze himself. He took the opportunity to drink in the sight of the demon at rest. His captivating eyes were closed but it only made him look more approachable, without the acid in his gaze warning of danger. Not that Lucifer ever felt in danger with Crawly but the other demon did have a stand-offish nature about him, probably from all the backstabbing of Hell.

Lucifer watched silently as Crawly’s chest rose and fell gently and the flickering light of candle cast soft shadows on the other demon’s face. Lucifer felt something tighten in his chest. It felt a bit like when he was having trouble breathing but his breaths were slow and even now. But his hands itched for something and his eyes pricked with an unnameable desire for something he couldn’t think to name. 

The rest of the night and indeed the rest of the time on the Ark is spent in gentle companionship. When the Ark finally hits dry land, Crawly hides himself as a serpent once again and Lucifer feels a sense of loss as he watches the lesser demon insert himself into the herds of animals. 

His heart aches even worse when Noah’s three eldest sons have their awful row and take off dragging their protesting wives off in three separate directions vowing to never meet again. So much for Crawly’s assertion that they will work out their differences. Lucifer shakes his head and when he turns to share his ache with Crawly, the demon is nowhere to be found.


End file.
